College Football – The News About Losing

Losing Faith – Making Other Losers Look Good
As college football’s midseason approaches, many teams that expected to fare well are thinking about the most effective way to bid ‘farewell’ to the 2009 season.  Colorado – where Head Coach Dan Hawkins was expected to field a very competitive team, has tasted the bitter fruits slowly fermenting at the bottom of college football’s barrel.  With only a single win over Wyoming, the once respected CU recruiting class is now counting its collective transfer options.

As weather turns colder, alumni start hitting their travel agency websites to price out tickets to favorite bowl destinations.  Others are trying to book transport to Bora Bora – just as far away from college football as possible.  Many of these folks are current coaches.

Among this week’s surprises in the Futility Rankings:

Virginia – Adieu – at least for a week to the VA Cavs.  Owing to a rather surprising 47-7 thumping of Big Ten Indiana, the Cavs at least earned the right to their team moniker – free of disparaging letter-changing.  The victory was so complete, that – aside from a mercy touchdown given up in the final quarter – the Virginia defense completely shut down the Hoosiers – sending Indiana back into the bottom ten and Indiana fans back into the line for basketball tickets.

Duke – Managing to pull off a win over North Carolina State, the Duke Blue Devils fell out of the bottom ten altogether.  Although beating a terrible Wolfpack team doesn’t erase the memory of losing to Richmond, it does drop the Bluish Devils into Honorable Mention status for the First Worst Futility Rankings.  The Devils have the woeful Terrapins of Maryland on deck next week though.  Lose here and Duke will be back in the thick of the fight for First Worst classification.

To those teams that came through under pressure to claim another loss – or those that screwed up and managed to notch a win, the following schools deserve recognition in the Week Six First Worst Futility Rankings:

10.  NC State – Welcome to the Wolfpack!  Anyone who can figure out a way to lose to the Duke Blue Devils at home on the football field deserves special recognition!  This week, the NC State Wolfpack debuts at #10 in the Futility Rankings in honor of this past Saturday’ 49-28 loss at home to said Bluish Devils. NC State gave up over 500 yards in total offense to a team that lost earlier in the year to a team from Richmond U. With only wins over Murray State and Pittsburgh, as well as someone called Gardner-Webb, NC State deserves recognition for football failure.  And this is just the place they will get the disrespect they deserve.

9.  Louisville Cardinals – After dutifully falling behind 16-7 in the first half against Southern Mississippi, the Cardinals failed in their bid to continue their fall to the bottom.  Kicking a field goal with 30 seconds left in the game, Louisville surprised itself with its first win over a real bowl division team this season.  In what should be a basketball match up, the Cardinals take on UCONN next week.  Instead, these two will duke it out on the gridiron to see who can remain in the bottom ten.

8. Indiana – Welcome back to the bottom of college football’s barrel to the Indiana Hoosiers! Owing to a remarkably complete failure at Virginia, the Hoosiers re-earned their way back onto the coveted Futility Rankings worst ten.  The rebuilding Hoosiers figured out a way to give up a whopping 536 yards of offense to what had been a fairly offensive offense on the Cavalier side.  “Making other teams look good” now seems to be the Hoosier football motto. 

7. Army – It must have given the Knights a great sense of accomplishment to knock off the eggheads at Vanderbilt 16-13 in overtime on Saturday.  This doesn’t quite erase the dishonor of losing to such powerhouse programs as Ball State and Eastern Michigan, but it is a step in the right direction. 

6. Maryland – Maryland U. lost 42-34 to Wake Forest on Saturday.  The Turtles were never in this thing from the start, allowing 35 first half points. The Demon Deacons racked up 21 points in the first quarter alone, making it their best offensive start in five years.   The Big Turtles usually provide multiple opportunities for the opposition to establish new offensive records – as if the Terps performance wasn’t offensive enough. Next up for the Terps – the newly exiled from the Futility Rankings Virginia Cavaliers.

5. Colorado – Colorado’ Buffaloes may have kept it close for a while, but came through in the end to give up a 38-14 loss to #2 Texas.  CU in fact won the first half before finding their bearings and giving up four big second-half scores, including a 92 yard punt return for a touchdown. This was the ‘Horns longest punt return since the Great Depression.  And speaking of Great Depression, this is the state where the 1-4 Buffaloes now find themselves.  
 
4.  New Mexico State – The Aggies defeated the Aggies in the Aggie Bowl on Saturday.  Or… the Aggies lost to the Aggies.  Whatever…  Although tagging the Aggies of Utah State with a loss, the Aggies of NMSU barely held on, needing a last second field goal to seal the 20-17 win.  A tie between two of college football’s worst teams would have been appropriate here, but fittingly, neither team could accomplish that objective.

3.  Washington State – Now in the middle of their Pac 10 schedule the Cougars of Washington State are in the middle of yet another winless crisis.  Failing to score in the first half, the Cougars went on to secure the loss by giving up 27 points to visiting Arizona State.  Washington State got over half of its total offensive yards on a single busted defensive play (by ASU) – a 99 yard touchdown pass late in the fourth quarter to Johnny Forzani.   Arizona State sportingly spotted the Cougars a whopping six turnovers to keep this thing as close as it was.  In the end, the Cougs couldn’t overcome ASU’s generosity and took their accustomed place in the loser’s bracket by a final score of 27-14.

2.  Utah State – The Aggies of Utah State move up to #2 this week following an embarrassing road loss to #3 New Mexico State.  A last second field goal by New Mexico State’s Kyle Hughes sent the other Aggies team to the bottom.  Utah State has a season full of challenging opponents remaining so a win in 2009 is looking doubtful.  Of course when you are at the bottom of the heap, every game is challenging.

1.  New Mexico – The 0-6 Lobos kept their drive for perfection very much alive with a 37-13 loss to Wyoming.  Adding injury to the insult, the Lobos couldn’t get nearer to Laramie on Friday night than 50 miles owing to a snowstorm that dumped over a foot of the stuff over southern Wyoming.  The Lobos would have been better served to call the game off.  Still, they prevailed – their losing streak intact.  Also insulting to this injury; of the final five Lobo games, three are against top 20 teams.  The possibility now exists for the Lobos to post the first perfectly awful season since the Washington Huskies accomplished that feat – well – just last year.

With many teams looking forward to their homecoming games that enliven the campus each fall, collegiate football losers are now trying to figure out how to avoid the game.  New Mexico State had a golden opportunity to win its Homecoming game this weekend – if only it had scheduled it for this weekend against Utah State.  Aggie fans will have to wait until the 24th of October to be shellacked by Fresno State for its annual Homecoming.

One can also measure the expectation that one’s opponents have for your team by looking at the number of games that your team will play in on the road that serve as the hosts’ “homecoming game.”  The Cougars are set to be the Arizona Homecoming victim in a couple weeks.   The Cougars also set up their own Homecoming this weekend for their game against Arizona State.  The weekend festivities, featuring an exhibit of animal teeth, is expected to include a football game.  WSU’s main chance is to hope the fan’s stay at the museum and not venture near the football stadium.

Some of the Bottom Ten from last week, Maryland in particular, surprised critics by figuring out how not to fail.  It must be that patting the turtle in the Terrapin walkway from the locker room to the field brought some kind of good luck – or bad luck for a team with another set of really ugly uniforms.  Maryland worked out a win at home over Clemson in a bit of a surprise and Virginia (of all teams) came up with a successful effort against North Carolina State. 

Last week’s #10 Idaho failed in its bid to return to the top five of the First Worst Futility Rankings by Beating Colorado State 31-29 on an interception return for TD with 1:41 left. The win takes the Vandals to a very surprising 4-1 record – earning them a ticket out of the bottom ten.  The Sage of College Football will miss ‘em.   Making fun of the Vandals team moniker was always good for a couple paragraphs.

Of those schools that remain in the Futility Rankings, the top few have either horrible schedules or horrible teams – a couple have both. 

10.  Maryland – The University of Maryland emerged the surprise winner over Clemson at home Saturday.  After patting the turtle prior to entering the field, Maryland sealed the win by recovering a Clemson fumble at the Terrapin 28 with 27 seconds remaining.  One more win and Maryland might also re-exit the bottom ten. It might not be this week though, as they take on Wake Forest.

9.  Virginia – Managed a win over North Carolina State.  Holding the ‘Heels to a touchdown-free afternoon, Virginia drops to #9 in the Futility Rankings.  The Cadavaliers now travel to Bloomington to take on a slightly resurgent Indiana team.  The Hoosiers – fresh off a thumping by 39 Ohio State – are looking to re-enter the Futility rankings themselves, so this could be a good match up.  

8.  Louisville Cardinals – This new entry into the Bottom Ten comes courtesy of a 1-3 record and a 35-10 walloping at the hands of Pittsburgh U.  With the football Futility Rankings decorated with basketball schools, it seemed appropriate that the Cardinals should enter the fray.  On Deck for the Cards is Southern Miss.  Look for the Cardinals to make a run for the top five in the Futility Rankings with two nationally ranked opponents and a handful of decent teams remaining on their schedule.

7.  Colorado – Following a Thursday night loss to West Virginia, the 1-3 Bungalows of Colorado head to Austin to take on #2 Texas in a nationally televised game.  Colorado seems to surprise when playing on national television.  Realistically, CU brass will be happy if the team just shows up.  It would also be happy if the Buffs give up fewer than 40 points on national television.

6.  Army – Army gave up ten 4th quarter points to lose to the Tulane Green Wave 17-16.  Anyone losing to a team referred to the ‘Green Wave’ deserves lofty rankings in the Bottom Ten.   Next up:  Vanderbilt at home. 
 
5.  Duke – The Bleu Devils lost Saturday 24-23 to Virginia Tech.  By keeping it close, Duke earned a back handed compliment from Tech Coach Frank Beamer, who said, “I don’t think that’s the old Duke football Team.”  It was however the same Duke result.  Next up for the Bleu Devils: 3-2 NC State.  Duke’s record against Division I schools with winning records isn’t going to cause the Wolfpack much in the way of lost sleep.   

4.  Utah State – The Aggies reached a major milestone with its 35-17 loss to Brigham Young Saturday… The Utah State Aggies are now a combined 1-50 against AP ranked schools in their last 51 games.  Reaching that 50 loss plateau has required years of preparation and dedication by the University and its collective staffs over the past several years. Establishing and maintaining a tradition like this requires a generation of effort.  The Aggies haven’t announced plans to celebrate just yet.  Their next game is against doormat New Mexico State.  Lose there and the University will avail its Psych majors to provide free counseling.

3.  New Mexico State – – After taking the team breakfast on the beach at LaJolla, the Aggies got down to business and posted a 34-17 loss to San Diego State.  After all, if you are gonna get whacked in the afternoon, you may as well enjoy oogling the beach babes in the morning.  There aren’t many of those in Las Cruces.  The next game against Utah State should at least be something to look forward to.  Unfortunately, the wizards in the Athletic office decided to make the October 24 game against Fresno State Homecoming weekend.  The Aggies should consider moving it up as they might have a shot against Utah State.  At least a team named the ‘Aggies’ will win.

2.  Washington State – Following a 52-6 pasting at Oregon, the Cougar football team is hiring itself out to pick apples this week.  This would at least be a productive use of time.  Oregon even threw in its second string QB in the second quarter and still the Cougars couldn’t make it close.  Arizona State comes to Pullman this Saturday though for another round of football futility. 

1.  New Mexico – remained perfect in 2009 with a loss to Texas Tech.  The Lobos kept this thing close for a quarter before returning to form by losing 48-28.  In true Texas fashion, the Raiders gave up a couple mercy touchdowns late in the 4th quarter to make the final score a little more respectable.  For the first three quarters, the only New Mexico scoring came on a busted Tech pass play that was intercepted and returned for a touchdown.  The Lobos offense is certainly ‘offensive’ especially when one has paid for a ticket with real money.

First Worst Futility Rankings – Week Five- Losing the Way to the Top

Teams at the bottom of college football’s barrel have a unique ability to figure out new ways to come up short.  Last week’s #10 team –the Indiana Hoosiers – needed some help to snatch defeat from the jaws of an improbable victory at Michigan.  Indiana, who hasn’t scored a win in Ann Arbor since before the Bo Schembechler era, needed an official’s horrible call on a last minute ‘interception’ to seal the loss.  The call gave the ball over to Michigan, depriving the Hoosiers of a chance at victory. 

Still, coming that close vs. Big Blue entitles Indiana to a drop out week from the Futility Rankings – at least for one week.  The Hoosiers have to overcome this heartbreak to make a trip to Columbus to play Ohio State.  Indiana’s exit is covered by the mighty football powerhouse Maryland who enters the poll at #9 this week coming off a humiliating loss to Rutgers.  

Also entering the Futility Rankings this week is Army.  Although it pains many to see the US Military Academy treated so poorly in the Futility Rankings, the Knight’s record of failure must be acknowledged.  Army has lost each game it has played against Division I opponents.
And finally, the departing Iowa State Cyclones traded places with the Knights of Army – by beating them on the field.  The Cyclones could easily stumble their way back into the bottom ten by losing to Kansas State this weekend. 

And any discussion of losing cannot ignore last week’s battle between #1 New Mexico and #2 New Mexico State.  Both NM schools have difficulty recruiting players to forgotten places on the US map, so it is fitting they wound up facing off for #1.  The University of New Mexico won first place by giving up a short touchdown pass with 36 seconds remaining on a fourth and goal play.  The Lobos deserve credit for missing two field goals during the game that might have caused a different outcome. 

So in celebration of this and other loss stories, here is proudly presented – the Week 5 First Worst Futility Rankings – the bottom ten of college football.

10.  Idaho – Will the Vandals figure out a way to break out of the bottom ten?  The schools’ schedule makers helped this past week by setting the team up with a game against Northern Illinois.  IU responded with a win 34-41.  Idaho now has to play a real game – at home against Colorado State.  CSU is playing well and could send the Vandals back to the top of the Futility Rankings.

9. Maryland – lost 34-13 to Rutgers. With only a win over James Madison (a President who has been dead for some time), the Terrapins are into the midst of their ACC schedule and must now figure out how to survive a game against Clemson.  Losing to Rutgers has become a not-quite-so-embarrassing event, but with only losses against top division schools, the Terrapins are in a position to make a run to the top five of the worst performing football schools.  And playing against ACC schools, they could go winless the rest of the way.  Most losing ACC schools look forward to basketball season.  Unfortunately, Maryland stinks on the court, too.  

8. Army – The Black Knights lost this past week to Iowa State.  That is painful by itself.  When combined with an earlier loss to Duke, the Knights now qualify for admission to the top ten college Futility Rankings.  Army has lost each encounter with a top division football team and looks to extend its record of futility this week against Tulane.  Lose this one and Army is headed for top five positioning.

7.  Colorado – The Buffs got a head start on another losing weekend Thursday evening with a 35-24 loss to West Virginia in a game that was never close.  Losing is bad enough, but losing to a team this poorly dressed is an absolute disgrace.  West Virginia deserves to be exiled from football by showing up to play dressed head to foot in fluorescent yellow.  The Mountaineers are pushing Oregon for the most horribly dressed team in the nation.

6.  Utah State –Beat a team from Southern Utah 53-34 this past weekend.  Looking at a map, it is difficult to see where a town exists in southern Utah that might have a school.  The Aggies – even though blessed with a win, now has to play #20 BYU.  And a hearty ‘good luck’ to the Aggies.  They’ll need it.

5.  Duke – Perennial Futility Ranked Duke managed a win this past weekend- over someone called North Carolina Central – 49-14.  Schedule makers may have arranged for a win, but they couldn’t extract the Devils from football’s bottom five.  Duke now plays in state rival NC State.  Getting into midseason form, the Bleu Devils are preparing for games against Maryland and Virginia – two other worst-ranked ACC schools.  These could be the Bleu Devil’s only remaining hope for a win prior to tip off of the basketball season. 

4.  New Mexico State – The Aggies pulled off a 20-17 win over New Mexico in Albuquerque.  After a disastrous start, New New Mexico Coach DeWayne Walker has notched a couple of wins.  He how has to take the Aggies to San Diego State.  His biggest challenge may not be getting a ‘W’, but in keeping his kids off the beaches.  If they find their way over to LaJolla, they ain’t going back to Las Cruces.

3.  Virginia – The Cadavaliers had a bit of good luck this past week and broke its string of weekly losses by not playing.  The Cavs now go up against powder blue North Carolina.  The ‘Heels are licking their chops over this one and can’t wait to get back on the winning track after last week’s loss to Georgia Tech.

2.  Washington State – Losing to a nationally ranked team is no disgrace.  The Cougars weren’t disgraced, but still lost 27 – 6 to Southern Cal. Fresh off its own stunning loss to Washington, the Trojans took it out on the Cougars.  WSU now plays #16 Oregon in another matchup against a nationally ranked team.  Scheduling nationally ranked teams is a bad way to get out of the losing rut.

1.  New Mexico – The Lobos lost 20-17 to New Mexico State last week to solidly entrench the program as the First Worst College Football Team.  Losing as they did at home on a 4th down play with a few ticks remaining on the clock at least made the storybook finish one that will be difficult to forget.  However, coming that close might look good after reviewing the next set of game films for their trip to Texas Tech.  The Lobos will be tough to unseat as #1, though.  NM has no weak schools remaining on its schedule – which includes two nationally ranked teams in BYU and TCU.  The Lobos need to get used to their lofty #1 ranking.  It doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.