College Football Lowlights from Week One – College Football Losers
College Football Lowlights from Week One – College Football Losers
The inaugural week of the 2009 College Football season is nearly complete. As of this writing there have been a couple unusual upsets as well as the usual number of predicable humiliations. Western Kentucky was hired to be blown out by the Tennessee Volunteers in Knoxville, and in this week’s Ben Dover Memorial Game, someone called Charleston Southern was defeated 62-3 by #1 Florida. The real mystery was why fans actually showed up to watch.
As always, there were some huge gridiron disasters to report on as well as a couple close calls. Navy nearly handed Ohio State an application to a tier two bowl game by not quitting in Columbus, but most games went according to prediction.
Dung Heap Disaster
In other Bottom Ten news, the thriller of the week was played last evening in Las Cruces, New Mexico (for those of you without a map that is just across the state line from El Paso, TX where the stock yards and a big prison are). First year NMS coach DeWayne Walker has already requested help from fans to provide snacks for his players (not making this up!). He should probably start requesting help from fans in calling plays. His Aggies went down to defeat 21-6 to one of the other worst teams in the country from the University of Idaho. Making matters worse, this was a home loss for Walker who is now seriously staring up the nose of a big and ugly winless season. Walker has a call into the recruiter who got him this job.
Tiger Food
Mike the Tiger came out of his slumber last evening to watch a surprisingly close game on national TV. Last year’s Futility Rankings Champion Washington took on a sleepy LSU team that appeared to be seriously jet-lagged. The Huskies kept it close for the first half before pulling away for a 23-31 defeat to the Tigers, extending their un-won streak to 15 games. UDub hasn’t won a game since November of 2007, but at least has a shot next week at home against the aforementioned Idaho Vandals.
Div I-AA Duke
Although there were some very competitive games yesterday – such as Alabama vs. Virginia Tech – the early schedule is dominated by teams attempting to get a win at the expense of a school that has no real expectation of success on the field. Duke University penciled in Richmond this year to get its season started on the right foot. Unfortunately, the Richmond Spiders showed up and stomped the unbelievably hapless Bleu Devils 24-16. Richmond will go on to play the likes of the Delaware Fightin Blue Hens, Hofstra and VMI. Richmond should have a decent year in Division I-AA. Duke would have a respectable year in Division I AA. Unfortunately for Duke, they play in the ACC. Duke is also staring down the long abyss of a winless season.
Cougar Cough
Losing to an egghead school is bad enough. Losing at home in the season opener to a conference school is a disaster. The Washington State Cougars dropped their opener to Stanford by a lopsided score of 39-13. The Cougars were never in this thing from the start. Washington State now looks forward to games against Hawaii and SMU. Adding to their bad luck, the Hawaii game is at home.
Sucker Punch-Out
If taking the field with the moniker ‘Fighting Ducks’ isn’t hard enough, LeGarrette Blount ended his season after game one by sucker punching a Boise State defensive lineman. Blount then quickly backpedaled after the punch trying to look tough when the Bronco players began to ‘object.’ The University of Oregon at least suspended Blount for the rest of the season, but the Ducks have a lot to overcome. Two of their next three games are against nationally ranked opponents, so the humiliation of getting beaten in Boise may have some shelf life. Sort of like hitting a skunk with the family mini-van, the stink from this thing will hang around to remind the Ducks of what losing the game as well as one’s composure smells like.
Check back Wednesday for the Week Two, Bottom Ten, FirstWorst Futility Rankings – the Worst of College Football.