College Football – The News About Losing

First Worst Futility Rankings – Week Five- Losing the Way to the Top

Teams at the bottom of college football’s barrel have a unique ability to figure out new ways to come up short.  Last week’s #10 team –the Indiana Hoosiers – needed some help to snatch defeat from the jaws of an improbable victory at Michigan.  Indiana, who hasn’t scored a win in Ann Arbor since before the Bo Schembechler era, needed an official’s horrible call on a last minute ‘interception’ to seal the loss.  The call gave the ball over to Michigan, depriving the Hoosiers of a chance at victory. 

Still, coming that close vs. Big Blue entitles Indiana to a drop out week from the Futility Rankings – at least for one week.  The Hoosiers have to overcome this heartbreak to make a trip to Columbus to play Ohio State.  Indiana’s exit is covered by the mighty football powerhouse Maryland who enters the poll at #9 this week coming off a humiliating loss to Rutgers.  

Also entering the Futility Rankings this week is Army.  Although it pains many to see the US Military Academy treated so poorly in the Futility Rankings, the Knight’s record of failure must be acknowledged.  Army has lost each game it has played against Division I opponents.
And finally, the departing Iowa State Cyclones traded places with the Knights of Army – by beating them on the field.  The Cyclones could easily stumble their way back into the bottom ten by losing to Kansas State this weekend. 

And any discussion of losing cannot ignore last week’s battle between #1 New Mexico and #2 New Mexico State.  Both NM schools have difficulty recruiting players to forgotten places on the US map, so it is fitting they wound up facing off for #1.  The University of New Mexico won first place by giving up a short touchdown pass with 36 seconds remaining on a fourth and goal play.  The Lobos deserve credit for missing two field goals during the game that might have caused a different outcome. 

So in celebration of this and other loss stories, here is proudly presented – the Week 5 First Worst Futility Rankings – the bottom ten of college football.

10.  Idaho – Will the Vandals figure out a way to break out of the bottom ten?  The schools’ schedule makers helped this past week by setting the team up with a game against Northern Illinois.  IU responded with a win 34-41.  Idaho now has to play a real game – at home against Colorado State.  CSU is playing well and could send the Vandals back to the top of the Futility Rankings.

9. Maryland – lost 34-13 to Rutgers. With only a win over James Madison (a President who has been dead for some time), the Terrapins are into the midst of their ACC schedule and must now figure out how to survive a game against Clemson.  Losing to Rutgers has become a not-quite-so-embarrassing event, but with only losses against top division schools, the Terrapins are in a position to make a run to the top five of the worst performing football schools.  And playing against ACC schools, they could go winless the rest of the way.  Most losing ACC schools look forward to basketball season.  Unfortunately, Maryland stinks on the court, too.  

8. Army – The Black Knights lost this past week to Iowa State.  That is painful by itself.  When combined with an earlier loss to Duke, the Knights now qualify for admission to the top ten college Futility Rankings.  Army has lost each encounter with a top division football team and looks to extend its record of futility this week against Tulane.  Lose this one and Army is headed for top five positioning.

7.  Colorado – The Buffs got a head start on another losing weekend Thursday evening with a 35-24 loss to West Virginia in a game that was never close.  Losing is bad enough, but losing to a team this poorly dressed is an absolute disgrace.  West Virginia deserves to be exiled from football by showing up to play dressed head to foot in fluorescent yellow.  The Mountaineers are pushing Oregon for the most horribly dressed team in the nation.

6.  Utah State –Beat a team from Southern Utah 53-34 this past weekend.  Looking at a map, it is difficult to see where a town exists in southern Utah that might have a school.  The Aggies – even though blessed with a win, now has to play #20 BYU.  And a hearty ‘good luck’ to the Aggies.  They’ll need it.

5.  Duke – Perennial Futility Ranked Duke managed a win this past weekend- over someone called North Carolina Central – 49-14.  Schedule makers may have arranged for a win, but they couldn’t extract the Devils from football’s bottom five.  Duke now plays in state rival NC State.  Getting into midseason form, the Bleu Devils are preparing for games against Maryland and Virginia – two other worst-ranked ACC schools.  These could be the Bleu Devil’s only remaining hope for a win prior to tip off of the basketball season. 

4.  New Mexico State – The Aggies pulled off a 20-17 win over New Mexico in Albuquerque.  After a disastrous start, New New Mexico Coach DeWayne Walker has notched a couple of wins.  He how has to take the Aggies to San Diego State.  His biggest challenge may not be getting a ‘W’, but in keeping his kids off the beaches.  If they find their way over to LaJolla, they ain’t going back to Las Cruces.

3.  Virginia – The Cadavaliers had a bit of good luck this past week and broke its string of weekly losses by not playing.  The Cavs now go up against powder blue North Carolina.  The ‘Heels are licking their chops over this one and can’t wait to get back on the winning track after last week’s loss to Georgia Tech.

2.  Washington State – Losing to a nationally ranked team is no disgrace.  The Cougars weren’t disgraced, but still lost 27 – 6 to Southern Cal. Fresh off its own stunning loss to Washington, the Trojans took it out on the Cougars.  WSU now plays #16 Oregon in another matchup against a nationally ranked team.  Scheduling nationally ranked teams is a bad way to get out of the losing rut.

1.  New Mexico – The Lobos lost 20-17 to New Mexico State last week to solidly entrench the program as the First Worst College Football Team.  Losing as they did at home on a 4th down play with a few ticks remaining on the clock at least made the storybook finish one that will be difficult to forget.  However, coming that close might look good after reviewing the next set of game films for their trip to Texas Tech.  The Lobos will be tough to unseat as #1, though.  NM has no weak schools remaining on its schedule – which includes two nationally ranked teams in BYU and TCU.  The Lobos need to get used to their lofty #1 ranking.  It doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.

First Worst Futility Rankings – Week Three- The Bottom Ten of College Football

The season is rapidly taking shape for college football’s losers.  After week two, a couple programs surprised the nation by starting out 0-2 and have earned entry into the First Worst Futility Rankings. 
The Colorado Buffaloes of the Big 12 have already hit midseason form with an unbelievable shellacking at the hands of the University of Toledo.  Buff players will remember this one forever as they figured out a way to give up 54 points to a Mid America Conference school.  Most Big 12 schools don’t bother with the MAC, and it appears that CU should have avoided it as well.  But…unless they scheduled a bye week, the Buffs would have found someone else to get whacked by.

Other schools should have scheduled a bye.  Troy University at least collected a decent paycheck from getting bonged by #1 Florida 56-6, and Virginia dutifully surrendered to TCU 30-14 to advance its record to 0-2. 

As the season revs its engines and good conference games are just around the corner, let us take a look at the Bottom Ten of College Football for the Week 3 version of the First Worst Futility Rankings. 

10. Indiana – The Hoosiers upgraded the quality of their opponents –if not their play- this past week by defeating Western Michigan 23-19.  Graduating from beating up on a lower division school, the Hoosiers advanced their record to 2-0.  Normally, this would be a good school to drop from the Futility Rankings, but given Indiana’s record, week two isn’t quite enough evidence that the team has improved.  Following a 2-0 start in 2008 with wins against lower division opponents, the Hoosiers never won again.  Will history repeat itself?  The Hoosiers should at least advance to 3-0 with a game against Akron this weekend.  The schedule makers gave Indiana a shot at a possessing a winning record for at least five weeks.    The first real game on the Hoosier schedule is Sept. 26 against Michigan. 

9. Iowa State – The Cyclones are on rapid transit to the bottom of the Big 12 right along with the Colorado Buffaloes.  Losing – yes, convincingly- to cross state rival Iowa 35-3, the Cyclones have a lot to work on – starting with hanging on to the football.  I-State gave up a whopping six turnovers in this thing and never made it close.  With a game against Kent State set for Saturday, the Cyclones will be reminded frequently this week that smaller Midwestern schools LOVE to knock off someone from the Big 12.  Just ask the Buffs.

8. Utah State – The Aggies did the best they could this week.  At least they didn’t lose.  They were the only Futility Ranked school with the sense not to schedule a game.

7. Colorado – What a shock.  The Sage of College Football has to welcome the CU Buffs to the Bottom Ten this week after a stunning and absolutely embarrassing loss to the University of Toledo.   And believe it or not, CU was never in it.  Down 23-3 at the half, the Buffs managed to put up 35 second half points.  Unfortunately, the Rockets put up an additional 31 of their own.  Local media couldn’t bring itself to even report on this game (yes, really!).  They won’t want to cover the next one either.   Should Wyoming (who at least played Texas tough for a half) come out on top, CU Coach Dan Hawkins may get that early trip to Hawaii.

6. New Mexico – The poor Lobos are just getting worse – even after only two games.  New Mexico lost its first two games by a combined score of 85-16.  And this season could get a whole lot worse beginning next week against Air Force.  New New Mexico Coach Mike Locksley was at a loss for anything constructive to say after giving up 44 points to Tulsa, uttering only that his team had a lot to work on.  Locksley needs to work on his resume.

5. Virginia – The Cavs played TCU tough, but still came up short.  And owing to an outrageous loss to William and Mary in week one, the Cavs deserve to be solidly entrenched at #5 in the Futility Rankings.  The Cavs are on the road against Southern Mississippi next weekend.  Lose this and we’ll move ‘em up a notch.  Virginia, and Colorado have been the biggest surprises at the bottom of football’s barrel so far this year.  Large state schools losing to small ones that didn’t figure to have a chance when the season began is a first class ticket to the tank.

4. Duke – The Mighty Bleu Devils got out of position #1 in the Bottom Ten with a win over Army on Saturday.  This has the Duke faithful at least sighing in relief that it won’t be another completely winless season.  And beating the Knights at West Point is not a small accomplishment.  Still, Duke will probably return to form this week against #22 Kansas in Kansas.  The Devil fans can now enjoy future shellackings knowing they have their one ‘W’ already in the bag.  This makes the wait for basketball season a little bit easier.

3. Idaho – The Vandals – although winning over New Mexico State last week, turned in a solid performance by losing to the University of Washington and breaking UDub’s multi-season winless streak.  The Vandals could easily go winless the rest of the way, beginning with San Diego State next week.  To get in a win itself though, SDSU had to schedule a football team from Southern Utah.  If you have ever been to southern Utah, it is a wonder they could find 11 guys and a football field. Getting back to Idaho – and gee who wouldn’t want to do that – some powder-puff games remain on their schedule.  Winning these will make the record books a little neater but won’t get ‘em off the Futility Rankings Worst Ten list.

2.  New Mexico State – winning against Prairie View A&M doesn’t exactly qualify as a quality win.  But if you are the NMS Aggies, any win has a certain degree of quality – even if it is over the women’s field hockey team.  New New Mexico State Coach DeWayne Walker notched a win in what promises to be a perfectly awful season the rest of the way.  Although he can count on having a shot against in-state rival New Mexico and against Utah State, the Aggies committed the unforgivable sin of scheduling in Ohio State and Boise State.  Can’t wait for those.  Walker needs to enjoy this week to its fullest. 

1. Washington State – The Cougars of Washington State are making a drive to the first winless season since – well – last year when cross-state rival Washington accomplished the same feat.  The Cougs have a shot against Southern Methodist on Saturday, but blow this one, and it will really be downhill from there.   Actually, no matter what happens on Saturday, it will be downhill for this program. 

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