College Football – The News About Losing

First Worst Futility Rankings – Week Two – The Bottom Ten of College Football

The college football world was nearly rocked by a typo this past weekend.  While running the scoreboard ticker, it appeared that Air Force had defeated Michigan State 72-0.  Upon further review (after watching for nearly 30 minutes before the thing repeated) it was revealed that it was “Nich. State” and not “Mich. State” that was on the bottom side of this thrashing.   “Nich. State” stands for Nicholls State – a school that apparently fields a football team in Thibodeaux, LA.  

There were other awful defeats this past weekend including Tennessee’s walloping of Western Kentucky U. – 63-7.  This victory officially kicked off the Lane Kiffen coaching era.  Whether this turns out to be an era or an error remains to be seen.  Kiffen takes on UCLA this Saturday in Knoxville. 

Some of last week’s First Worst Ranked schools managed a win.  However, early season wins over institutions that don’t provide matching uniforms to their players aren’t going to elevate one out of college football’s cellar.  So here are the Sage of College Football’s picks for the ten worst teams going into week two:

10.  Indiana – The mighty Hoosiers penciled in powerhouse Eastern Kentucky for its opening day game.  Fortunately the red ‘I’s’ managed a win, hanging on for a 19-13 decision over a lower division school.   Up this week is the same Western Michigan team that was sacrificed at the Big House in Ann Arbor for the Wolverine’s opening day massacre.  Should the Broncos of WMU pull this one out – and they actually are a I-A school, Indiana could be headed back for a top five finish in the Futility Rankings.    In other Indiana news, it was released that the school has agreed to move its home game against Penn State to Fed Ex Field in Washington next season.  At least the school administration has the heart to not put the home town through this thrashing.

9.  Washington – The Huskies and new coach Steve Sarkisian had all of Seattle treating this loss as a win.  Having failed to humiliate themselves on national television, Washington won much of the first half before coming back to lose 31-23 to #11 LSU.  LSU appeared seriously jet-lagged in this game but prevailed.  Still, after failing to win since late in 2007, the locals were hailing this as a success.  The success wasn’t necessarily in producing a win, but in failing to embarrass the team, school, city and state yet again.  Coach Sark has a chance to produce that first ‘W’ this weekend at home against the Idaho Vandals.   At least nobody will be televising this one.

8.  Iowa State – Cyclone fever wasn’t exactly ignited with the I State win over North Dakota State 34-17.  After all, no one really knew that there was a team at North Dakota State- pr for that matter, few really knew there was a school called North Dakota State.  A little investigation revealed that North Dakota State is best known for getting its football players arrested for DUIs.  What else are they going to do in North Dakota?  Play football?

7. Utah State – Although losing to a top 20 team is not much of a dishonor, the Utah State Aggies lost convincingly to #19 Utah 35-17.  This in-state rivalry fit nicely into Utah U’s plans to drive to a BCS top tier spot.  With that loss behind them, the Aggies now must face Texas A&M at home.  In a classic Aggies vs. Aggies match up, at least one team called the Aggies will win.  Your guess as to which.

6.  New Mexico – The Lobos warmed up Texas A&M for its trip to Utah State Saturday by losing 41-6.  In what could be a solid drive to a top tier finish in the First Worst Futility Rankings, New Mexico is breaking in a new coach this year by returning to its deep football tradition – losing.  At least New Mexico has the New Mexico State Aggies on its schedule for week four.  In what should be the Lobo’s Homecoming Game, this might be their best shot at a W.

5.  Idaho – Does beating one of the nation’s worst football teams get you out of college football’s cellar?  Not this one.  The Vandals won unconvincingly over New Mexico State in Las Cruces.  Among the games lowlights was a run by Vandal running back Princeton McCarty.  After clearing the Aggie line on a running play from his own 32, McCarty found himself all alone on a sprint to the end zone.  In his apparent joy over the impending touchdown, he tripped at the 5, firmly planting face and pride into the 1 yard line.   The Vandals let him carry the ball into the end zone on the following play, but the damage was done.  Idaho contributes more to America’s Funniest Home Videos than it does to football glory.

4. Virginia – The First Worst Futility Rankings welcomes the Virginia Cadavaliers into the top 5 worst college team list.  VA lost ‘convincingly’ lost to William and Mary’s 14-26.  Bill and Mary gave up serious football decades ago, but decided to show up for this one.  This is a school that had not defeated a I-A football team in over 20 years.  It wasn’t at all pretty from the B&M side though.  Bill and Mary attempted five field goals in the second quarter of this thing – missing three.  Still, they came out on top, so welcome to the Virginia Cavaliers to the hallowed list of college football’s worst teams.  Next up for the Cadavaliers – #16 TCU.  Hope the school already collected the ticket money for this one.

3.  Washington State – A big state school losing to a school that tosses out most of its recruits due to academic eligibility problems is tough to swallow.  Stanford defeated the Cougars on their home field 13-39 on Saturday to introduce WSU to the top portion of the Bottom Ten.  The Cougars were never in this game, falling behind 22-3 at the half.   This week’s matchup with the Hawaii Rainbow Warriors will be interesting though.  The Warriors are fresh off a 25-20 win at home over a team from Central Arkansas.  The Central Arkansas boys were more interested in the plane ride and a free trip to the beach.

2.  New Mexico State – New coach DeWayne Walker’s NMS Aggies lost a thriller to #5 Idaho at home.  How anyone can lose to the Vandals is cause for a Congressional investigation. Still Walker’s Aggies came through by losing 6 to 21.  Earlier in the pre-season, Coach Walker had asked for contributions of snack foods for his players.  Apparently the NMSU budget wouldn’t support feeding his team.  The community must have come through with a few too many tamales though, as the Aggies just couldn’t have produced a worse performance.  

1.  Duke –The poor Blew it Devils lost perhaps their best chance for a win all season by getting whacked by a Division I-AAA school – the Richmond Spiders.  Richmond was supposed to play the doormat to at least get the Blue Devils seven days of a winning record but instead exposed just how bad Duke really is this season.  Hopefully, the Duke admins got cash up front for selling season tickets.  This year is already a disaster.   Next week, the Bleu Devils take on Army at home.  Lose to the Knights and Duke could have the inside track to a perfectly disastrous and winless season.

College Football Lowlights from Week One – College Football Losers

The inaugural week of the 2009 College Football season is nearly complete.  As of this writing there have been a couple unusual upsets as well as the usual number of predicable humiliations.  Western Kentucky was hired to be blown out by the Tennessee Volunteers in Knoxville, and in this week’s Ben Dover Memorial Game, someone called Charleston Southern was defeated 62-3 by #1 Florida.  The real mystery was why fans actually showed up to watch.  

As always, there were some huge gridiron disasters to report on as well as a couple close calls.  Navy nearly handed Ohio State an application to a tier two bowl game by not quitting in Columbus, but most games went according to prediction.    

Dung Heap Disaster
In other Bottom Ten news, the thriller of the week was played last evening in Las Cruces, New Mexico (for those of you without a map that is just across the state line from El Paso, TX where the stock yards and a big prison are).  First year NMS coach DeWayne Walker has already requested help from fans to provide snacks for his players (not making this up!).  He should probably start requesting help from fans in calling plays.  His Aggies went down to defeat 21-6 to one of the other worst teams in the country from the University of Idaho.  Making matters worse, this was a home loss for Walker who is now seriously staring up the nose of a big and ugly winless season.  Walker has a call into the recruiter who got him this job.

Tiger Food
Mike the Tiger came out of his slumber last evening to watch a surprisingly close game on national TV.  Last year’s Futility Rankings Champion Washington took on a sleepy LSU team that appeared to be seriously jet-lagged.  The Huskies kept it close for the first half before pulling away for a 23-31 defeat to the Tigers, extending their un-won streak to 15 games.  UDub hasn’t won a game since November of 2007, but at least has a shot next week at home against the aforementioned Idaho Vandals.   

Div I-AA Duke
Although there were some very competitive games yesterday – such as Alabama vs. Virginia Tech – the early schedule is dominated by teams attempting to get a win at the expense of a school that has no real expectation of success on the field.  Duke University penciled in Richmond this year to get its season started on the right foot.  Unfortunately, the Richmond Spiders showed up and stomped the unbelievably hapless Bleu Devils 24-16.  Richmond will go on to play the likes of the Delaware Fightin Blue Hens, Hofstra and VMI.  Richmond should have a decent year in Division I-AA.  Duke would have a respectable year in Division I AA.  Unfortunately for Duke, they play in the ACC.  Duke is also staring down the long abyss of a winless season.

Cougar Cough
Losing to an egghead school is bad enough.  Losing at home in the season opener to a conference school is a disaster.  The Washington State Cougars dropped their opener to Stanford by a lopsided score of 39-13.  The Cougars were never in this thing from the start.  Washington State now looks forward to games against Hawaii and SMU.  Adding to their bad luck, the Hawaii game is at home.

Sucker Punch-Out
If taking the field with the moniker ‘Fighting Ducks’ isn’t hard enough, LeGarrette Blount ended his season after game one by sucker punching a Boise State defensive lineman.  Blount then quickly backpedaled after the punch trying to look tough when the Bronco players began to ‘object.’  The University of Oregon at least suspended Blount for the rest of the season, but the Ducks have a lot to overcome.  Two of their next three games are against nationally ranked opponents, so the humiliation of getting beaten in Boise may have some shelf life. Sort of like hitting a skunk with the family mini-van, the stink from this thing will hang around to remind the Ducks of what losing the game as well as one’s composure smells like.

Check back Wednesday for the Week Two, Bottom Ten,  FirstWorst Futility Rankings – the Worst of College Football.